It's the Final Fantasy!!

For word: I might move to tumblr....sss yeah. This was frankly the biggest pain in the arse to write. I can't cut it into a 'read more' easily, pictures wouldn't post in the right places, format kept messing up, I can't even hyperlink pictures or copy and paste! Nightmare. I'll keep you updated but for the time being I'm not too jolly with Blogger right now.

After watching a bit of Spoony last night I've had an urge to post my opinions on the little of this series I've played, mainly because my favourite game ever, Final Fantasy 12, sits nicely within it.

http://spoonyexperiment.com/

I'll start with FFX since that's only chronological (even though I actually started with FFX-2).

Final Fantasy X

Let me begin with saying this is probably one of the worst games I've ever played. So you've been warned this is not a nice review.

I'm genuinely stunned at how many bum this piece of crap because I just don't get what there is to like about it. I mean there's plenty of things I don't like but can understand why people do, eg. I think Angelina Jolie is a ugly whore but I could understand why some people think she's sexy, but FFX just seems to have nothing in it's favour; no pros just cons.

Story:

Before we begin let me state I have never actually finished this game and I will get on to why I didn't later. From what I've played I'd say it's pretty bland tbh. I mean I guess at it's core it's quite interesting; evil creature destroys the land every 10 years or so, only way to destroy it is a process that means the death of a few individuals but it is all for the greater good and in connection with that the government/religion is very corrupt. The first bit sounds a bit pants honestly but I do like stories with political unrest, I think they bring a nice sense of realism to a lot of texts and often show how researched and thought out a story is, NOT NECESSARILY, but I personally get quite impressed when it's done well.

So honestly that's the story...that's it. There's really not much substance there, there's no development on those ideas and lets not forget that because you have to go on a pilgrimage for the whole game it kinda just means excessive travelling in one direction throughout the whole thing. I like road movies fine but nothing seems to happen on this one, it's almost like cos it's a game with loads of battles and little distractions like that the creators felt like they could just be lazy with it. It just doesn't draw you in at all and worst of all it's linear and we all know FF is not about that, from what I gather that's what separates it, if I wanted linear game play I would have picked up any FPS for God's sake.

Characters:

GOD DAMMIT I HATE THEM!!! Every single one!!

Right I've never played FFVIII or the supposed forever Holy Grail known as FFVII but I don't think I ever will for one reason...they centre around a whiny pussy-ass bitch. I hate whiners!!

I'm not quite sure why the Japanese have this idea that an uber troubled hero (or other main role) is so crucial but it gets on my tits and is the reason I don't like a lot of animes anymore. I prefer animes like 'Pokemon' and 'Sailor Moon', yeah they're cheesy as fondue but at least there's no whining! I love the anime 'Naruto' but literally turn it off when Sasuke walks on screen, 'oooh my brother, oooo my people, oooooooo', in the words of the Schwarzeneggar 'STOP WHINING!!!'. Do we put up with whiners in rl? No we tell them to grow some balls and shut the fuck up, so why are they so popular in video games and anime?

The thing is the Japanese (apparently) have no word for 'subtle'. Everything is big, rash and out there because of it. A troubled hero is great really, but there's a way of doing it. A troubled hero keeps his emotions bottled away only letting bits of steam out occasionally, such as: being a bit shirty with certain people, being awkward or socially difficult, or having methods which can be questionable. It is in there most crucial and climatic moment does the full story come out and our hero has to face it. That's a good thing! A troubled hero done right is a brilliant character! But it's all about subtly. So in most Japanese material the troubled hero laments constantly about his emotional or physical wounds, allowing no sense of mystery or suspense or even interest in his or her story. A troubled hero done wrong is unbearable!

Which brings me nicely to Tidus.

Tidus is a blitzball player from the past who was always bullied by his father and then looses everything when transported to the future. I mean that's a pretty good reason to be upset but Tidus is just a pansy honestly. I agree with Jecht most of the time in this game, if that were my kid I would be equally as mean to it. Please see above, all his does is whine!! About how it's all shit cos he's lost everything, Zanarkand doesn't exist anymore, his father was a twat blah blah blah. In the words of the Great Brits 'Keep calm and carry the fuck on'. He's insufferable in all his forms and he's also pointless because quite frankly if anyone is the main character it's actually.....

Yuna. Yes Tidus is actually brings very little to story in my opinion because Yuna is really the protagonist of this story. As I've said I've not finished it but I'm probably at least half way through the game and honestly I still don't really know why Tidus is there.

Yuna is a summoner. It is her job to go on a pilgrimage, collect all these weird monster things called Aeons to combat Sin and finally die to save Spira (their island). But you know what she's a bit of a bitch about it too. She's very quiet and almost a bit dopey and often gets down about her job. Fair enough it's very daunting knowing you'll eventually going to die in quite a cataclysmic way but she acts as though she doesn't want anything to do with it quite a lot of the time. May I remind you Yuna you CHOSE to occupation. She's got no one to blame but herself, if it upsets you that much love, find a new job.

Lulu, Wakka and Kimarhi. They're just so....bleh. There's nothing there, they have no sustainable character, just characteristics. Lulu = Big-titted, solemn goth. Wakka = Chirpy, heart 0'gold sportsman. Kimarhi = Remind-everyone-it's-fantasy creature who can't form sentences and thus must come from tribal backgrounds and implied is lesser than the other characters. I can't see anything more to them, it's not even like you eventually learn cool background stories about them because they all kinda have the same story. They're on Besaid and they help Yuna. Kimarhi is the only one with the slightest bit of intriguing background and really it's pretty glazed over.

Rikku similar isn't much either. She seems to just fill that other anime positions of, cutsie school girl character for people to fap over. Loads of people, LOADS of people love Rikku and actually I think she's ok, she's quite sweet and fun and does make a nice change of all the grey and whinging but still she's pretty pointless and grows to be incredibly annoying. As already said, she's made even more annoying by the number of people posting on forums about how amazing she is.

Auron is probably the only likeable character in this game. He's actually a troubled hero too in a way but done much much better. He's wise and intelligent, a good guidance, doesn't often say much but he's not moody about it and when he does say something it's very valid. So I will say this Auron is definately something from this game I would give a thumbs up too.

Seymour as a bad guy, hmm, his hair is pretty laughable, which briefly leads me to how stupid a lot of the costumes in this game are; they look so bundled, clumsy and miss-matched, glary clashy colours with extreme inpraticalitiy problems that can't even be over looked with a simple 'That's fantasy'. Seymour is pretty scary in his distorted political and religious undertones and I actually really like that. He could have been a lot scarier (I would have enjoyed it more if they're pushed it to Judge Frollo levels of corruption) but seeds are clearly planted for a really evil and actually rather vicious character to grow.

Onto the world in which they live, Spira. Quite frankly I think Spira is pretty damn boring. They kinda of shot themselves in the foot by making it such a tiny island that you can appear to walk over in like a day. Most of the locations are very bare with not much to do and nothing particularly evoking; which isn't necessarily a bad thing in a way because heck Sin keeps destroying the damn place there's not much time or reason for putting up Starbucks and multiplexes. It's just it seems all a bit...nothing. Other than the Al Bhed and Ronso you don't get much in the way of different cultures and really the Ronso are such a tiny tribe that they haven't got much to give. The Guado are quite interesting but they are so integrated into Yevon that it's almost kinda the mainstream and the Al Bhed just...kinda come off as a load of anarchic pikeys really. I also hate how everytime you step into most city/town locations there's only like 2-4 areas to explore and they not even very alluring areas, in fact Guadosalam, the centre of the Guado only has one. And Bevelle! Bevelle is supposed to be the biggest most poignant city in Spira and it's only got 3 areas; the entrance, a walk way and a temple! It's just very disappointing.

Now the gameplay. The battle system is..ok, just ok. It's simple, turn based fighting really and I do like the fact that it has that little menu down the side to show you whose turn is next but overall I found I was waiting around a lot. I used to get irate when I was running about and suddenly the screen would shatter, something about that shatter animation just makes it..a little too long, and then it introduces your team and the foe in establishing shots and God it's just like 'C'mon, c'mon!' The animations for the summons also took the piss a bit but I was glad that the summons were actually pretty useful and a good way of getting you out of sticky situations (especially when the characters kept fecking refusing to escape from battle!). However weapons for the characters made the fight very boring to watch, I like to watch a good sword sweep through an enemy, it's my favourite weapon because even if it doesn't do that much damage it LOOKS like it does and I get quite a bizarre thrill from that. Watching someone throw a bliztballs or a fucking stuffed animal at the enemy though? UUUGH!!! Just stop please I just want to level.

Which brings me to the all time greatest invention from Satan, the Sphere Grid. What a stupid way to level. I mean I know they're just trying to make it more innovative but seriously. This made level grinding so much more challenging and complicated and that's exactly what you DON'T want from leveling. Grinding is the one horrible thing about RPGs but unfortunately it has to be done, what you want is it for it to be made as simple as possible so quite frankly, exp points gained from fighting to raise your level? Why the Hell fix something that's not broke?!

And the linearity of the game was quite possibly why I sustain it as the worst game I've ever played. RPGs in my opinion are not supposed to be linear!! Because they just don't work..at all. I mean I had to restart this game four fucking times cos I got stuck! I'd save just before a fucking annoying boss and there was nowhere for me to level up, no where for me to buy anything, it was just fucking luck if I beat the bastard! So yeah you could say 'keep multiple saves dickhead' but honestly there's no warning about this ever happening in the actual game; I loved how in FFXII it would say when you saved that there was a possibility in working your way into a corner, it was a lovely red flag and meant things like having to restart wouldn't happen.

I never finished FFX because I got to the fight with Evrae and no matter what I fucking do I cannot beat the stupid wanker!! And unless I want to run in circles in a tiny tiny airship corridor for hours trying to level there is nothing I can do! There's no where for me to properly level and nowhere for me to shop. I'm must be at least 20 something hours in now so quite frankly fuck off if I'm starting again!

FFX-2, FFXII and FXIII coming soon ;-)